your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I supernannyed him into submission
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
