is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize