I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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