I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She announced her abortion via fbk
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
