I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
