dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
