I accidentally had phone sex last night
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
