Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
