now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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