So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
