Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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