Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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