who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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