I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
