god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
