I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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