Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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