just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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