I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
you made out with another girl for some wings
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
