I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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