she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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