so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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