so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
They have beer where we have blood.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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