Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
