You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
