I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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