So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
