I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
