My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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