We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
