Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
