it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's shark week go big or go home
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize