I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
