she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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