I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
