At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
