dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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