hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
