you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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