I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
