Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
