I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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