Just took my morning after pill in the library
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I need moral support for this bender
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
