Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize