His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
