either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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