Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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