Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
