We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
