I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
