im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
