what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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