mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
