It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
