im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
