Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
