so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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