help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
