She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
