He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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