just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
