yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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