Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
