girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize