Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Enjoy the penises
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
