I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize