I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
