We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
