Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Blood and glitter go together right?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
