This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
