A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Apparently you make a good broom.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
