One girl and one boy is just not enough.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
