if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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