I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
