u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
