I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
