Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
