im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
