I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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