thus making me awesome and them whores
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
