I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize