I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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