The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
