my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
