I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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