I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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