you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I could make wine with my vomit
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize