Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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